singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
