The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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