my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
