This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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