He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
