when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
