I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
