The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
