This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
