she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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