So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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