Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
