i don't like sucking hair
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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