How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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