Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
