Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
