You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
