Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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