I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Vodka?
Forever.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
