i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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