Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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