Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
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