This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
