I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My dick has a subreddit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
