Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize