i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
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