my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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