Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
