I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
