walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
