He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
