She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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