people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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