He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
