i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
