my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Let's get the cat blown out
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
