We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
