They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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