sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to make a zoo with you.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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