Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
