Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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