I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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