Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
