She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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