I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
PANTIES FOUND
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
