My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
