Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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