My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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