I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I believe in your delicious
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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