Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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