btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize