dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
