i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
