Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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