He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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