i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
