she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
