i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
