Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
