i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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