last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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