u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
