If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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