Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
