I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
