My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
being pregnant is like rehab
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
