you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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