so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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